Ladies, behave
It's the law, bitches
Last week, as if to prove that we don’t deserve nice things, the EHRC chose the start of a heatwave to drop their new draft guidance. Other people have written much about what this means for trans people (it’s bad), but the headline grabbing bit is that trans people will now be barred from using single sex toilets that align with their gender. This will impact all trans people. Trans men, many of whom have beards (and not the kind right-wing gays take to the prom) will technically have to use the ladies, which seems a bit of an own goal. But let’s be clear, it’s not access to the men’s toilets that is the issue here. If a man sees someone in the men’s loos that he reads as female he will either ignore them or, if he’s a dick, assault them. That may be in the form of verbal insults, or it may be worse, but he’s not going to demand to see their papers like some Gestapo of the urinals. This is about access to the women’s toilets, and while the focus of the guidance is dressed up in the guise of ‘protecting women and girls’, the reality is nothing of the sort.
This is about controlling women.
There are many things which could be and have been written about how unfair and how unworkable the guidance is. For example, the two countries who share a land border with the UK (The Republic of Ireland and Spain, via Gibraltar) both allow trans people to self ID and to be treated as equals within their society*. Will there be signs at each border reminding visiting trans people which toilets to visit, like when you get off the ferry in Dover and they remind you to drive on the left? Trans people who pass (and the people who wrote this guidance do not seem to have considered the possibility that such people exist) are faced with three options when they need the loo in public: use the toilet of their birth sex, essentially outing themselves (not to mention putting themselves at risk); hold it unless the disabled toilet is available (try asking disability activists how that might go); or break the law. I think I can guess which one is going to be the most popular option.
But as harsh as this reality is, they are not the target, at least not yet. Even the woman who writes those Steampunk Star Wars books admits that she doesn’t mind a trans woman who can fade into the background and go unnoticed (so kind of her). It is trans people who do not pass, who might often be trans people early in their transition, who are being legislated out of public life. Thanks to the sterling work of that yoghurt-filled balloon animal Wes Streeting, trans kids cannot access puberty blockers, forcing them to go through the, sometimes irreversible, effects of puberty; and new guidance for schools means that trans kids without supportive parents are denied the right to socially transition at school. This will not stop people being trans. What it might do is force people to transition later in life, when it might be harder to pass, when you are more likely to stick out. The added hurdle of limited access to facilities such as toilets makes this journey even harder, forcing people into impossible choices.
The guidance admits that it is unlikely to be practical to ask someone for documentation to prove their sex at birth. However, it says such a challenge may be ‘legitimate’ if concerns are raised about a person’s ‘physical appearance, behaviour, or concerns raised by other service users.’
I have seen lots of discussion about the reference to physical appearance. What aspect of appearance might cause concern? Butch women, women of colour, tall women, any woman who does not adhere to Eurocentric standards of femininity will now find themselves policed. But it’s the other word there that concerns me even more. Let’s be clear, this impacts everyone, but it is women who are the target. And under this guidance, women, cis and trans, are now mandated to behave themselves.
What does ‘behaving’ like a woman look like? Who gets to decide? Who knows, but every woman must now make sure she can do it, or risk being challenged and humiliated, and even barred from using services. But fear not! I have put together these easy-to-follow rules.
Look like a woman. This one is easy! Just don’t look like not a woman. I once read a review of Julie Hesmondhalgh’s amazing performance as Hayley, Coronation Street’s trans character back in the 90s. It said that being asked to play the role was a dubious honour, because on the one hand it means you are a talented enough actor to play such a demanding role, but on the other hand it implies you look like you might once have been a man. So, there’s your answer: don’t look like Julie Hesmondhalgh. Although, given that Hesmondhalgh is famously not trans, I guess this rule doesn’t apply to her.
Sound like a woman. Be soft, docile, agreeable. Do not be loud. Trans women are famously loud, and are often used by sea captains to alert other ships to their presence in foggy weather. Be the opposite, quiet, silent, a fart in a hurricane. Be no louder than a mouse. Speaking of which:
Be small. Trans women are huge, mountainous beings. Even the small ones can crush you if they are not careful. There is no evidence of this happening, but like with every pearl-clutching, hate-mongering, ‘gender-critical’ fear, evidence is not needed. So just be small. Be as small as a mouse. Be so small you are in danger of falling into the toilet and being flushed away like at the end of Finding Nemo, down the drain and into the sea. Then you can become a mermaid, or a sea-slug, or one of those fish who can change their sex (what toilets do they use?) but you’ll be Poseidon’s problem then.
Do not need the toilet at all. Famously, the issue of toilet access only impacts trans people, because real women do not pee or poo. Some people have questioned what threat trans women can really pose in a women’s toilet, given that all the pants-down stuff happens in a locked cubicle. But this is missing the point. The real danger is that a trans woman will accidentally stomp on a normal, mouse-sized woman, who is innocently scurrying around on the floor trying to put her make-up on (the wearing of which is now mandatory, see point 1). Don’t put yourself at risk! A normal woman should not need to toilet and to be honest, should probably just stay at home.
If you follow these rules, you will be fine. No gender-critical woman, terrified that the world might include people who are different from her own narrow frame of reference, will be able to challenge your womanhood. You will be meek, and invisible, and no trouble at all.
This isn’t just about trans women, or trans people as a whole: it’s about forcing all women back into a carefully policed version of femininity, punishing any and all who step out of line. I said earlier that this will be harder for trans people who do not pass. But why should they? Why shouldn’t someone be visibly trans? Why should trans people have to perform within this narrow band of acceptable femininity any more than cis women should?
Want to do something about it? Write to your MP, attend the mass lobby of Parliament, go to a protest. Trans people ultimately just want to be left alone to live their lives, so there is really only one rule that we should all, trans people and cis allies alike, follow, and it’s genuinely super easy.
If you see a trans person using a public toilet: no you fucking didn’t.
*UPDATE: Since posting I have discovered that the guidance will not automatically cover Northern Ireland or Gibraltar. Which is even more bananas: trans people will be treated differently depending on where in the United Kingdom they are.